My love is gone and I’m devastated that I won’t be able to talk to him anymore. I can still see his face, it haunts me in my waking and dreaming life. I can still see his smile and it makes me weep with longing every single day. I hope that I can soothe his spirit, I hope that he is happy in the afterlife. I sincerely hope that I can get through the next few days without falling apart. It’s difficult going to the funeral home, Perth streets seem so much emptier without my love by my side.
I have heard only good things about their service, and those good things are what I need to hold on to. That was my man, I’ll never see again and it breaks my heart. All I can hear are the condolences of people that are think they are his friends, but they are not.
I need to start thinking about cremations, Perth family members have been helping me as much as the can but the decision is mine alone. I’m glad for their company, at least. I don’t want to be alone in this world, I can’t be with him yet. I wish that I could see him one last time, whether it be here or in the next life. I plead with a higher power, don’t take him away forever. I will do anything to make it happen and I don’t care what I have to sacrifice. I don’t care that there isn’t anything that I can really do, because I just want to get the healing started.
I hope that the funeral helps me farewell my love. I am pretty sure that it shouldn’t be too long before I’m paralysed with grief, I fear that day. I don’t really want that to happen, to fall apart, but I have been told by a few people that they will help me as best they can. I think it best if I get myself ready for that event. It will be the easiest thing in the world to just forget about moving on; pay for the funerals, and just move on with my life, but I’m not ready. I don’t want to move on, I keep looking back.
Nobody likes moving house, especially when you’re moving to a smaller place. Every time I have to move, something major seems to always go wrong. It’s like the worlds way of telling me that I am never meant to move house, I should be banished to one set of four walls for the rest of my existence. That could be me being a little bit dramatic, but after what happened, I think I’m allowed to be dramatic.
There was no way our furniture was going to fit through the front, or back, doors of our new house. They are extremely narrow, I used a measuring tape to be sure and there just wasn’t any way. We decided the only way the furniture was going to make it inside was if we pushed it through the window. Everyone laughed at me at first, but once I’d opened the windows fully, there was plenty of room to get the furniture through. We started unloading everything and it was all going well. My husband grabbed a large round table off the back of the ute and tried to hand it through to me. The table must of been only an inch too big, when my husband gave it a shove the timber window frame broke. Sure the table got through, but at a price. My husband had done such great damage to the window frame that the windows wouldn’t even slide back in. I was furious as one would expect. The windows would now need replacing, a cost we hadn’t budged for. After a good nights rest my husband got up the next day and got in touch with a company that does sash window replacements in Melbourne. I was trying not to be snappy with my husband but I had told him to be extremely careful. Moving costs had been more expensive than I had expected so our money was tight. I got stuck into the cleaning and unpacking, but was still able to hear the conversation my husband was having with the guy from aluminium window repairs in Melbourne. We didn’t speak for long and when my husband walked out and told me they’ll fix it next week, I was immediately frightened. Our home was not safe with the front window wide open like that. We put a few big bookshelves in front of the window to deter burglars. Hopefully it will be enough until the windows are able to be fixed.
Look to an older relative to answers to some of life’s difficult questions. Ignore your first instinct on this one. Next week you will have a chance to do something meaningful with your husband.