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Monthly Archives: Jul 2015

Love is Many Things

workplace romanceThey say love is a drug. Well, love is a lot of things, according to the songs. Love is a drug, love is a compass, love is here, love is now…love is a box of chocolates. It just goes on!

Well, right now it feels more like a drug, and it’s one I can’t get my fix of. I love Cathy from HR, but she doesn’t even know I exist. Or rather, she only knows it when I go to fix her computer. However, I have a cunning plan: change careers. I’ve been stuck in IT for so long, I can’t even remember what I wanted to do. Now, I’m filled with purpose: I want to do dry needling.

It’s a bit of a jump, but Cathy was saying the other day to her friend that she just feels a bit snowed under and stressed. At the same moment, I noticed a flyer on the wall, advertising a dry needling course here in Auckland. Perfect! Or rather, I thought it probably was, since I hadn’t heard of this new art, I did a bit of a Google, bit of a YouTube, and found out all about it. This is really something I could make work. I’ve always had a delicate touch, which I apply to my IT specialist duties. Now I can learn how to dry needle and really reduce stress. Then when Cathy says that she’s having trouble with he rown stress…well, that’s when I drop in. I will be her stress…man? Stress-taker? Stress removal agent. De-stresser. No, that sounds too much like distresser…anyway, she’ll get the idea when I reveal my immense talents for dry needling. She’ll ask where I got my immense trigger point knowledge, I’ll tell her all the things I learned in the dry needling course, then we’ll get married and have six beautiful children. Good plan, right?

If you find yourself missing a sock, blame the sock goblins and call the police. Your spirit guide animal is the tapir.

Floor Scrubbing Getting Under My Skin

I am having a very serious problem, and it involves my workplace. It’s not harassment or anything of that nature, but I feel that it affects my life on a daily basis, and I am just sick and tired of having to deal with it. I have an intense, overwhelming, all consuming aversion to dirt. Really, I can’t stand the stuff. Dust is just as bad. Of course, these … aversions if you like, make life diffFloor Scrubbericult everywhere. At my own home I employ a commercial floor cleaner and scrubber once a week and then vacuum at least once a day. They find the task a bit odd to say the least, and several companies refused to do it for me at all, but most places find my money as good as any, and with a little cajoling are happy enough to do the job. My house, therefore, is not a problem. I maintain it with the utmost care. The problem lies at work.

I have had words with my manager, the building manager, and frankly anyone in any position to help, and yet nothing has been done. They refuse to hire a commercial floor scrubber more than a set amount of times per year. My protests of the state of the floor have done nothing to further this issue. They simply do not appear to understand that having a pristine work environment is a way of extracting more work from their employees and creating fewer distractions. Certainly, my extreme anxiety over the state of the floors inhibits my work capacity on a daily basis. I don’t understand why they are so adamant. How can I make them change their minds?

Be firm and yet understanding on this issue and you will find the answer presents itself in due time. Water is your element this month; it cuts the smoothest path, and so to must you. On the harvest moon, be sure to keep indoors to avoid a looming catastrophe.

A Feeling of Peeling

I have always said ‘you are as young as you feel’. It’s one of the things I say, and one of the things I believe in. When I was sixteen, that was fantastic. I felt twenty and so I was twenty. When I was twenty-five, it was also excellent. I felt twenty and so I was twenty. Now that I’m getting older, however, I find myself looking in the mirror with greater dismay as each day passes. I may still feel twenty, but I sure don’t look it anymore. I don’t want to be old, and I certainly don’t want to look it, but I’m heading more and more that way. Which is my I’ve been seriously considering getting liposuction in Melbourne.Facial Peels

I know that it’s a bit of a drastic step, but I am just so sick of looking in the mirror and seeing my love handles. I want to feel good about myself, but no matter what exercises I do nothing can seem to get rid of them. I’m sick of looking in the mirror and feeling only regret. It’s also more than just my love handles. I look at my face and barely recognise the woman staring back at me. Wrinkles and sun damage are all I see. That’s why I’ve been investigating facial peels. Melbourne has an extremely high standard for all of its surgery, so I’m really not worried that something might go wrong (I live for horror stories, but I know that the chances of it actually happening to me are slim). All I want is to feel wonderful about myself like I did when I was younger. I don’t need this kind of baggage, and since I have the option to get it removed I don’t see why I shouldn’t take it. I think it’s really only the fear of judgement that’s holding me back.

Once the cage door is opened a bird may chose to fly or to stay, but it is given the choice. When Mars reddens remember your resolutions and you will find the path to fulfilment.

Game design for the future

Okay so I know that you deal with big problems, Joanna, and for me this is a big problem. I want to get in on the whole ‘digital age’ boom before it goes sour. I think that with my creative ideas and innovative thinking etcetera etcetera that I have a chance to actually make it big in this world. Problem is, I don’t really have an idea. What I mean is, I had this idea. But I don’t really have any ideas about what I want to create. I’m just so lost with it and I don’t want to miss out on this opportunity. So I’m thinking a great way to inspire my creativity would be tgameboy - game designo do a game design course.

It’d be a pretty epic way of meeting young (ish) people like me, while at the same time learning practical game development skills and stuff along those lines. I don’t just want to make something, either, I mean what’s the point of that? I want to make the thing which all the kids are talking about. I want to connect people in an experience like no other and leave my mark on the world. I’m thinking a game design course in Melbourne could make all this come true and more. The thing is, I just don’t know if I want to turn my life around like that.

It’s a huge step to take to risk everything on the chance that I might make it, not the certainty that I probably will make it, if I continue doing what I’m doing. Just plodding away at the course I’m doing at the moment doesn’t really sound all that awful, I definitely enjoy parts of it, but I want that passion. I want to make the change

If you had the chance to change your fate, would you? When the moon is full think positive thoughts and the world will send them back to you. Avoid grey to avoid melancholia this lunar cycle.

A Premonition or a Pre Purchase Property Inspection?

This is, without a doubt, one of the biggest and busiest times in our life. My husband and I just bought a house and we are just so excited, but with excitement, as you know, comes nervousness. Extreme nervousness! What if something goes wrong? What if we can’t settle for some reason. I can sense something wrong about Greg’s psyche at the moment, and I’m not as gifted as you, Joanna, but I know something is wrong. I can feel it.

Of course, when I tell Greg something is going to go wrong he just laughs it off, but I’m trying to put my foot down about getting a building inspector. Melbourne has some of the most beautiful old houses in Australia, that is for certain, but I’m worried that there will be hidden nasties. What if everything is moldy underneath? What if (heaven forbid) we have termites? No, I will absolutely put my foot down, we must have a pre purchase property inspection before we settle. In Melbourne, pre purchase property inspections are a necessity!asbestos

Also, I must get the inspector to check that there isn’t an asbestos. I simply will not allow my children to move into a house with asbestos, it really does create an aura of death and disease which I must not stand for. But Greg, well, he was a tradesman for a while after he matriculated, and so he is adamant he can do everything himself. He simply doesn’t understand how I do tend to foresee these things! Ever the nonbeliever, my Greg. If he actually took the time to read your wonderful blog, Joanna, I just know he’d understand! But really, the building inspector is an absolute necessity. Unless you don’t think it is. Of course.

The road of caution is only right for the blind. Trust in yourself and your instincts but consider the consequences of your actions and the rippling effect of the future. Blue will give you strength, orange courage, but beware shades of violet, as this month they will bestow only sickness.

Saving the fruit shop with retail signage

business signage MelbourneI’d been the owner of a small fruit shop for the past four years. I’d bought the business off a family who had been running it for the past thirty years. They had their regular customers, who pretty much kept the shop open. The store did not attract a lot of attention or draw people a crowd, we had great prices but nobody knew we were around. In fact if you hadn’t been into the fruit shop before you probably wouldn’t notice it was there because we had no outdoor signage.

The profits were slowly dropping over the year, I spoke with a business adviser about ways of improving my revenue. Exposure was the main topic we discussed in our meeting. My top priority had to be retail signage, Melbourne was getting more competitive in the fruit markets and I had to find a way to stand out.  We discussed ideas of gaining more exposure for the store, in turn bringing in more customers. When I left the meeting I had a hundred ideas running through my head. I was determined to make my fruit store the busiest in the area. The first thing I did when I got home was sit down and sketch some ideas for new signage.

I wanted to have a sign that was brightly coloured to attract people’s attention. I had come up with a few sign ideas but couldn’t decide which one I was going to go with. The following day I went to find one of those signage companies, Melbourne had many impressive signs to draw inspiration from. I spoke with one of their designers about my signage ideas and how best to get the most impact. I showed the designer the ideas that I had sketched the previous evening and he loved what I had come up with. He had a few ideas and tips which made the design look fantastic. At the end of our discussion the man told me to leave it with him and call back into the Melbourne signwriters in a few days.

I just had rearranged the store and opened up the entryway when I received the call from the signwriters. They had completed the design and with my okay, were ready to have the signs made. I have high hopes that this new sign is going to save my business.

Look to Mercury for inspiration. You lucky number is sewn into the sleeve of your favourite jacket. Be wary of cats this coming week.

Saved with business signage

I asked my father what the email had said, but he was too busy to answer me. His mind had just clicked into work mode and I could see him thinking of a million different things at once. He was good at gathering a lot of information in his head and comparing it all. It was his way of figuring out how to do things in a way that would be most beneficial to him. We had recently been to see the Melbourne based signwriters to talk to them about having some new business signage made up for my father’s plumbing company. Dad wanted to expand the business so that he was able to hire extra tradesmen. I had recently learnt that the more tradesmen my father hired, the less time my father would spend at work. If Dad was able to hire enough people to do his job then he would be able to stay home with me. Dad had left his ideas with the signwriters for them to have a play with and he’d just received word back. I was eager to find out what he ended up doing about the business signs, Melbourne was becoming much more competitive and my dad needed a way to stand out. My father wasn’t giving any clues away as he paced around the house, waiting for the confirmation about his sign delivery. I heard my father start talking and listened carefully to the tone in his voice. I wanted to get a better understanding of what the man was saying, so I started following my father around the house. I knew this would frustrate him and cause him to sit down. That was when I would be able to fully study his body language to find out how my father was really feeling. I knew the business was struggling and needed all the help it could get. I have my fingers crossed that these business signs were going to make a big difference.

Your father need not worry, the north star is bright when the time is right.

Notes in the aluminium tray, divorce lawyers inbound

aluminium ute conopy MelbourneIn all my years on this planet I have never been in the position where I’ve needed the advice or expertise of a family lawyer. I can’t say I’ve put much thought into finding a lawyer, that all changed when my wife left me. It was very unexpected, I did not see it coming. One day we were happily married or so I thought, and the next all her things are gone from the house. I found a note in my Aluminium tray that she was leaving me for her yoga instructor. I didn’t even know she did yoga. I tried to call her mobile phone but she blocked my number, now the only way I can get in contact with my wife is through our family lawyer. Dandenong friends and family have been supportive at least. It’s been a rough few weeks but I’m starting to adjust to the change. To make myself feel better I got a new work ute, it’s got enough horsepower to level a tree. My wife never liked my old ute, now that I’ve got a new one I wonder I she would approve. Now I’ve just got to organise the best aluminum ute canopies Melbourne tradesmen trust. All my tools live in the back of my ute so they need to be secure and safe under the aluminium canopy. I’m dreading seeing the divorce lawyer next, even if I does give me a chance to take a nice drive to Dandenong in the new ute.

I don’t want to be divorced, I’m too old to start again, the thought of going on dates at my age is daunting to say the least. I’m hoping that with the help of the Dandenong divorce lawyer we’ll be able to reconcile our marriage. I know they’re supposed to help with the divorce part but it’s worth trying again. I know I wasn’t the perfect husband, I know I can do better. She never even game me a chance to change, I’m sure she would argue that I had twenty years to man up. Running your own business is hard, it takes a lot of work and time out of the day. If I had known my wife was lonely I would have sold the business or cut down my hours. I am glad that we’re getting help with mediation from the family lawyers, I’m not angry, I just want to talk. I want to understand how this happened and what, if anything, I can do to fix it. I know some marriages can’t be fixed, but we won’t know if we don’t try. I’ll even take up yoga. Will my wife take me back?

You will find new love with a long lost friend. Your stars are in a state of change. Your grief is important, do not try to dull the pain.

Saving the business with a digital printed wallpaper

custom mural wallpaper MelbourneWhen my father came back from work last night he told me he had a plan. His business had been struggling for some time and we had been trying to think of a way to increase business. His idea was to get an interior designer to completely change the style of his shop with the help of a digital printed wallpaper. Melbourne customers expect to be impressed by style when they walk into a shop. The current decor was dated and a bit dark and depressing. When customers walk through the door they should feel visually excited and comfortable. My father owned a plumbing shop and had been working around our neighbourhood for years. He had been speaking to me a lot lately about how he needed to expand his business and work in other areas.

My father explained to me that once he got enough business he would be able to to spend more time at home with me. I missed Dad when he went to work. I often spent the day dreaming about what he was doing and how many people he had helped. My dad was a smart man, so when he shared his business ideas with me, I listened. My father continued to explain the details of the new design. It all centered around a stylish custom made wallpaper, Melbourne was the fashion capital after all.

I heard my father talking excitedly on the phone with the designer. It had been a while since I’d heard my father using his professional voice. Normally he didn’t take work calls while he was at home. My father was very careful to separate his business and personal lives. That was something I loved about him, I was never put on hold for the business. I could tell by the way my father was pacing around the kitchen that he was pleased with what he was being told. I do hope this helps my father’s business and that he is at home more often now.
Invest in your relationships, talk to your father is my best advice. Your decision has already been made.

The Hassles of House Moving

moving homeIf ever I was in need of mystic advice, it would be now. We’re moving house, and I don’t know if you’ve ever moved house but it’s an utter nightmare. It consumes everything you know, everything you are, everything that’s going to be…all the things, basically. Of course, we have a few boxes lying here and there, but it’s the little things. All those ornaments, tubes of toothpaste, bed springs, everything that just lies around and makes your life miserable. Oh, and then there’s the rubbish. We’ve just had to throw SO many things out, it’s nigh unreal. Some friends of ours suggested a hired skip bin, since Brisbane has a few. I must admit, they seem tempting. They’re huge, and we can just lob everything we don’t want in there. When it’s full (and it WILL be full) it gets taken away, and we never have to see any of that stuff again. It’d be a weight off our minds, especially with this move happening. I’m writing this as I looked at the two measly cars we have to transport all of our stuff. By some engineering miracle, we managed to fit everything really big into one of our hired trucks. It took six hours and my old skills at Tetris, but it worked. That stuff is all fine, but now it’s the bitty stuff to deal with. Oh, the bitty stuff…

That’s why we need the skip bins. I think we’ll end up throwing so much of this stuff out, just because we have no real room for it. Just yesterday i was so drained that I just threw away a couple of plates. I couldn’t be bothered washing them. They were fine, but…I couldn’t be bothered washing them. That’s how bad this has gotten. We’ll really be needing those Brisbane hard rubbish collection services, and FAST.

Sometimes, our inner light can become foggy. Apply the glass cleaner of the soul, and soothe your mind with the dulcet tones of Kenny G. Your lucky colour is puce.