That One Accident

antennaI have a secret, one that I can’t let any of my friends and family know because they’ll think I’m crazy. Of course, it’s fine to put it on the internet. The internet always understands, and I’ve heard they’re great at keeping secrets. Yep, what goes on the internet STAYS on the internet, am I right?

So, with that said…I think I have superpowers. Well, they’re not all that super, but…I can hear TV signals. In my brain.

See, back when I lived in Melbourne, digital antennas were my thing. I was pretty good at my job, and known for taking the jobs that others didn’t want to touch. My mother kept saying it would get me in trouble, but I was in the game, in the zone. I was a satellite expert, and I liked it.

That was the day I took a seemingly ordinary job installing an antenna on a rooftop. The heights never bothered me, obviously; nothing did. When the storm clouds rolled in, I just shrugged and kept working. Of course, you can guess what happened next. Yep: lightning flashed, my coworker down below said that Jessica Alba had followed him on Twitter and I rushed over to check if it was true. In my haste, I tripped over a roof tile and down I went, antenna and all. I ended up on the ground, still in contact with the antenna, which was live. Gave me a nasty shock and I had to spend the next six weeks in leg rehab, because my legs were broken. My career doing digital antenna installation in Melbourne was over, especially since my boss had been telling me to be careful. Oh, and now I heard signals in my brain. Right now, I’m mostly getting ‘Neighbours’, and sometimes ‘Home and Away’. But how can I learn to use my powers for good, and possibly crime-fighting?

The Space Jam soundtrack shall grant you serenity. Consume vintage cheese for problems with intestinal movements. Your lucky animal is the uni-kitty.